A Self-Scanner Darkly

22 Dec

Here at De Jungle, we like to denounce social evils, and we’ve just decided on the latest evil that we shall engage in quixotic combat:  self-scan check-out machines at grocery stores.  We’ve only seen them in the larger grocery stores, but we’re convinced that they will soon become ubiquitous unless we the people get mad as hell and boycott the darn things.

We’re against them because they’re clearly intended to enable stores to reduce personnel, thus improving their bottom line and creating more unemployment.  One worker is put in charge of monitoring two or more self check-out stations, thus reducing the number of employees required to deal with us marching hordes of consumers.


We’re also against them because we usually use check-out time to ponder the covers of hard-hitting investigative news tabloids such as the National Enquirer,  with headlines like “Peter O’Toole -The Twisted Secret He Took To the Grave!”  If we’re busy scanning our own purchases two and three times ’cause the scanner’s not reading the bar code, we’ll miss out on all that.

The third reason we oppose these stations is that we’re plain lazy – after earning the money to buy the groceries, we’re too tired to scan our own Kosher pickles, bananas, and Tide detergent.

We’ve therefore decided that no matter how long the regular check-out lines are, we will not use the self-scan stations. We’re aware that our action (or non-action) by itself will have very little impact.  Nonetheless, that’s our position and we’re stickin’ to it.  If enough of us hold firm and refuse to use these devices, self-scan check-out stations shall go the way of shag carpets and avocado counter tops and well they should.


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