Outlander and The Three Amigos

9 Dec

Conchita: Carmen, tonight you are to be El Guapo’s woman. I am going to give you some hints about lovemaking with El Guapo.
Carmen: I would rather die first!
Conchita: Tell me, Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?
Carmen: No.
Conchita: Good! Neither does El Guapo.
“The Three Amigos”

We’re not gonna rehash what’s happened in the third season of Outlander ’cause the season finale is coming up and it’d take too long. (We won’t mention Clare’s ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ hair-do during the 60s or the touch of grey in her hair that seems to come and go once she hightails it back to the 18th century. Jamie’s aged too – we know this ’cause he actually has to wear spectacles sometimes.) We will however, discuss an aspect of the show that we’ve noticed every season that no one, as far as we know anyway, seems to be talking about.

We’re referring to the show’s sex scenes. OK, we admit -everyone’s talking about ‘em. We just did a Web search and there’s a whole lot of material out there. So, if everyone’s talking about ‘em how can it be that no one’s talking about ‘em? Well, there’s an aspect of these scenes that goes unmentioned, we think. We’re having trouble coming to the point because we’re Irish Catholic and we’re probably going to Hell or something just for broaching the subject.

We’re not talking about the rapy sex scenes with Black Jack Randall – those are just plain disturbing, in our humble opinion. We’re talking about the supposedly ‘hot’ and ‘romantic’ scenes between Clare and Jamie. OK, we’ll just blurt it out: Jamie is a minute man.

El-guapo

Neither does El Guapo

Remember when Clare married Jamie? On their wedding night, Jamie didn’t seem to have much, well, stamina. Clare comes into the 18th century via the 1940s. At that time, the sexual revolution was yet to be, but the show establishes pretty early on that Clare is not from the close-your-eyes-and-think-of-England school of thought. After returning to the 1940s, Clare waits ’til 1968 to do the time warp again and rejoin Jamie. So, coming from 1968 and being a doctor, Clare would likely have heard of Masters and Johnson and their work in human sexuality. Nevertheless, upon returning to the 18th century, Jamie’s minute man approach does not seem to faze her. We couldn’t figure out why she didn’t hit him upside the head and tell him to shape up.

A recent episode shows Clare and Jamie at sea. The ship has been becalmed for weeks – no wind and no rainfall. The crew are ready to throw overboard a man suspected of bringing on this bad luck. To save the man’s life, Jamie’s Chinese friend “Willoughby” buys time by launching into the story of how he left China. Willoughby’s diversion pays off – the sails fill with wind and the rain is not far behind. Then comes the “Hurray! The wind and rain are back! Let’s have sex!” scene. Clare and Jamie steal away below decks and with seemingly no foreplay whatever, begin having sex. This is romantic? Call us crazy, call us irresponsible, but we’ve always thought that a little lead-in was a good thing. We’re not sayin’ that sex scenes have to be long in duration, but there could at least be the suggestion that more than 30 seconds have passed before someone asks “How was it for you?”

Need another example? At the end of a recent episode, Clare has a fever and she’s besotted on Willoughby’s sherry-laced turtle soup. Then there’s the “I’m drunk and feverish! Let’s have sex!” scene. Is there any lead-in to this moment? Nope.

We weren’t going to say anything about it until our eldest adult daughter and her husband came to dinner at our house. She shared that she’d binge-watched Outlander during a bout of the flu. (She’s now into the middle of the second season.) We made some rather elliptical remarks about the curious nature of the romantic scenes, finally blurting out the same thing we blurted near the beginning of this post. (We blurt a lot.) “Oh yeah, Dad”, she said casually. “I noticed the same thing.” She had even pointed it out to her husband during a viewing of one of the episodes.

OK, so there you have it. We didn’t really wanna go there, but we hadda do it ‘cause everyone was talkin’ ‘bout how ‘hot’ the show is. In our view, though, Jamie and El Guapo have a lot in common.

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